hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
