is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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