I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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