marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
