I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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