So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
