Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
