Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
