I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You made out with two different species that night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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