Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
