Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
