Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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