This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
