Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
