dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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