Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
