Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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