to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
