well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
