I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
