I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
