I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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