im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
