then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Actions speak louder than pants.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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