At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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