either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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