I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
