dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
