My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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