Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
