she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
