I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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