he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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