i just had sex bonerless
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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