I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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