You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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