mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
