we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
