Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
