Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
