I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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