lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
