I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
