cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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