guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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