WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
