Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
