I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
