so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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