Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
