Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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