this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
