I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
