No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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